New Challenges

I know it's been more than a few days since I started this blog. It's been a bit more difficult to figure out which challenges I should face first. But in the time I've taken, I have already made time to start the challenges. The first challenge I wanted to try was facing my fears. I have tried this on many occasions before, throughout my adolescence. I used the 'face your fears head-on' tactic several times to get over my little phobias, like spiders. I would catch spiders and keep them in jars so I could study them carefully and get used to their presence. I bought myself a pet rat to get over my fear of rodents. I stood against a large window in the tallest building I could access to try and get over my fear of heights. It really helped me to gain the confidence to start perusing my goals during high school. With each small fear I conquered, I gained the courage to seek out new fears to battle. I eventually found the confidence to confront the student counselors at my high school. I told them what I thought of their empty threats and petty taunts, cast at me daily for my, admittedly over-spirited, free thinking pursuit of furthering my own education. I did my best to continue this trend of constantly testing my fears, but, unfortunately, I had to set such pursuits aside as I got ready for college and finding a career. I had set down a path to conquer all fear, or at least find the courage to live with my fear. But because of my need to find self sufficiency, my journey had come to a dead end.

It has only been recently, as in since I decided to start this blog, that I realized how different my life is from when I was in high school. I realized that I had forgotten my adventurous nature, I had forgotten my need to grow. I thought hard about the way I used to be and decided that I had been on the path to growing into the man I wanted to be. I knew I just had to take up my old habits and apply the knowledge I had gained since leaving high school so I could meet all of my current goals.

So now, getting back to what I was saying in the first place, I am facing my fears. I started facing my fears by taking a long walk on a road I had never driven down. I walked until I had no idea where I was, then kept walking until the sun started to go down. I forced my self to face new fears while simultaneously challenging my body to a test of endurance. I had to face my fear of uncertainty, I had no idea where I was, so I had to think on my feet and trust my ability to navigate a strange area. I had to face my fear of not being able to see, it was dark and cloudy, so I had to trust that the noises I heard all around me where nothing more then simple noises. I had to face my fear of being weak, I had walked for hours before the sun went down, so I had to trust that my body would have the strength to keep moving. It was hard, but I knew that it would be a good lesson. I was happy to face the fear and get home safe. It reaffirmed in my mind that I was still capable for facing my fears. I knew I was ready to face the challenges I was going to set fourth for myself. I knew every step would be hard, but if I could face my fears, I could face anything.

Now that I have already started my challenges, I will be posting new challenges and my progress in meeting them. As it is, I am going to make facing my fears an ongoing challenge. I know there are still things that frighten me, so I will keep you posted on how I face them. Other then that, the next challenge I want to face is one that is far more physical. I want to be more like the video game characters I play as, so I've decided to participate in new sports. I'm hoping to run and upcoming marathon and fight in a kickboxing tournament. I figure that with these upcoming events, I'll push my body to the limits and find the courage to be an action hero worthy of my own video game. I'll keep you posted on the events and try to post pictures or video of my progress. I'll know for sure the dates of all my upcoming competitions, so if you want to cheer for me, you'll have all the details.

I know that this post has been rather long, and I tend to ramble sometimes. I promise my next few post will have more of a point to them.

The Start of a New Study

I've never really taken the time to stop and think about what it means to be a man. I know that I have the body and physique one would expect for a man. I know that I feel the need to compete and fight and let loose all of my testosterone driven emotions from time to time. But I feel that there is something more. I feel there is still a lot about being a man that I haven't learned.

It might be the fact that I lost my father at a young age, or the fact that I'm still pretty young, but I think that I should have a pretty firm grasp of what makes a man by now. I'll let those of you who are interested know that I'm 23, still just a pup to most people. I still act like a kid sometimes. I like cartoons, video games, reading comic books. I suppose it's the scrutiny I feel from still finding joy in those things that compels me to know what it is to be manly.

I would like to start my time here by letting everyone who reads this know that I am going to be performing an ongoing study. I am going to study the effects of turning my childish behaviors into something creative, active or constructive. I'll let the cartoons and comics I love inspire me to write or draw. I'll let my favorite video games and movies teach me courage and strength. I will attempt to show the world that a man doesn't have to give up the things that made him smile as a child. My biggest hope for this blog is that my study doesn't go unheard. If I can help any other young men facing the tough reality of the real world in any way, it will let me know that being a man can come with a much broader definition then our society normally accepts.

I'll think of a few challenges to set for myself and post them soon. They will most likely consist of ways I can turn my love of cartoons into art, or my love of video games onto strength training. I'm sure I can show how holding onto your childhood can be beneficial to a healthy adult life. But if anyone reads this and has a suggestion about challenges I can try, please feel free to post a comment or send a message and tell me so.

Thank you for reading.